High NoonAgain!
by Carson
Summary: Some humorous returning characters, a shootout, whistling...'Nuff said.
1. Default Chapter

(Three, two, one, let's jam-)  
  
Session...forget it, just read the story...  
  
The Sidewinder Tower was famous for not only its value as a business center and tourist attraction, but its architectural design. It was basically a giant, glass covered, office building in the odd shape of a large 'C.'  
  
You recall I mentioned its value as a business center. In actuality, it was home to the galaxy-renowned Sidewinder Corporation, hence the name, obviously.  
  
This corporation was famous for its revolutionary product, the 'Sidewinder Whip,' a whip-like weapon that materialized out of pure energy.  
  
(Oooohhh.....spiffy....)  
  
As I also said, the building was shaped like the letter C.  
  
At the center of support, the most reinforced part of the building stood a lone security guard.  
  
(Sound familiar yet?)  
  
The guard nervously pulled at the collar of his uniform and whined. Maybe this time those stupid Hunters would let him get his point across. He hadn't spent all that time in prison for nothing....  
  
From his handbag he extracted a small object. It was a cardboard box. He set it down and awed at his genius. It was a small box, imprinted with the words "Do not open 'till X-Mas" and had a pretty little picture of a teddy bear opening his present by the Christmas tree.  
  
Minutes later, the security guard stepped outside into the cold December air.  
  
He showed no sign of hurry, and strode calmly toward his car.  
  
In fact, he was feeling so triumphant that it took him a while to notice the gangly man with weird, green hair sitting on a red spaceship which was sitting on top of the guard's car. When he did notice, it was I little too late.  
  
"Hi there," Spike grinned.  
  
Ted Bauer flinched. "Morning, s-sir. How m-may I help you?"  
  
Spike didn't move. "You work here?"  
  
Bauer backed up slowly. "Yeah...see the uniform?"  
  
"It looks great on you." For a while, nothing happened. Ted was too panicked, and Spike was just being himself.  
  
After a while, the Bounty Hunter broke the silence. "You probably want me to move my ship, huh?"  
  
"I s-suppose...It is on top of my car..."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
They again lapsed into silence.  
  
Bauer was beginning to grow impatient. "So, um, maybe you could move it now..."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
The Teddy Bomber slapped his forehead in frustration. "Look, I don't have all day, sir, so if you could maybe please move your ship now..."  
  
Spike remained silent. Bauer grumbled.  
  
Suddenly, Spike's foot was in Bauer's face. Ted was soon on the ground.  
  
"Owww...."  
  
"Sorry, but you were getting a bit rude. I'll move my ship when I feel like it, thanks."  
  
Spike began to cuff the bomber.  
  
Suddenly, as if out of a dream, he heard an all-to-familiar sound. It drifted up the street, flowing into their ears and sending nerve impulses to their brains.  
  
It was a familiar tune, a song of dreams, and honor, and rough-riders with guns and hats who hung out in saloons and shot each other.  
  
It was whistling.  
  
"No..." Both Spike and Bauer moaned.  
  
The whistling was now joined by the sound of hooves on concrete. A silhouette appeared in the hazy distance, growing ever closer.  
  
"No...No...Not again..."  
  
A cowboy in stunning white arrived at the arrest scene, smiling and whistling his western song.  
  
Spike stood and glared at the wrangler. "Andy," he growled.  
  
Andy smiled back. "Spike. How nice to see you again. I see you took care of the fun part for me already." He snickered.  
  
Spike growled. "Didn't you quit the hunting business?"  
  
"For about a month after you left the planet. But then I got bored and picked up where I left off."  
  
"Hey!" Bauer yelled. "You're forgetting me again!" He writhed on the ground, struggling to free himself.  
  
Spike and Andy looked at each other, then Bauer.  
  
"Should we take care of him this time," Spike grunted, "or just did like we did last time?"  
  
The cowboy in white shrugged.  
  
"Doesn't matter now!" Bauer cried. "I win!"  
  
He managed to pull up his sleeve, revealing several remote detonators.  
  
"Damn!" Spike ran forward and kicked Bauer's hand away from the other.  
  
Ted rebounded, and swung his feet in a wide arc towards Spike's head. Spike ducked, but it gave Bauer time to flip himself onto his feet. He prepared to press the detonators, but Andy grabbed them and ripped them off his wrist.  
  
The bomber stumbled back, pulled out his pistol and fired randomly. The Bounty Hunters took cover, and Bauer made a break for it. Spike hurtled the car and raced after Ted into the Tower.  
  
He was almost inside when Andy passed him on his horse. "He comes when I whistle," Andy sneered.  
  
Spike abruptly stopped and stared as Andy crashed through the revolving doors.  
  
He growled and watched the horse enter the elevator, turn calmly, and wait as the doors closed.  
  
Spike whistled a sharp note.  
  
Within the Swordfish II, a voice-recognition device picked up the sound. The ship roared to life, found Spike's homing frequency, and headed toward him.  
  
Our hero launched himself into the cockpit and pulled up.  
  
On the roof of Sidewinder tower was an awkwardly parked spacecraft. It was small, brownish colored and had several teddy bear decals on its hull.  
  
Ted Bauer scrambled aboard just in time to see the elevator doors open and reveal Andy and his horse. "Oh jeez..." He ran the emergency startup program, skipping the pre-flight checklist as the Cowboy strode confidently toward him.  
  
Andy the Hunter was almost surprised when Bauer actually began taxiing for takeoff. Thrilled, he reared back and raced after the craft.  
  
Suddenly a red starfighter passed him along the makeshift runway. "It comes when I whistle," Spike sneered.  
  
Andy whipped the horse to catch up.  
  
The ship roared off the edge of the roof, followed shortly by a starfighter and a horse. Suddenly, the Swordfish's main thruster went offline. Several of his systems suddenly began cutting out. Spike ejected, and landed deftly on the hull of Bauer's ship, where he discovered Andy standing there also. In the distance, Spike could barely make out a horse floating to the ground on a parachute. 


	2. Chapter 2

I'm back. Check it.  
  
Spike's pistol aimed at Andy's head. Andy's happened to be doing the same thing to Spike's head.  
  
"For once," Spike growled, "can't we catch this moron before we kill each other?"  
  
"Sure," Andy replied cheerily, "put your gun down."  
  
Spike stared. "You first."  
  
A sudden turn made by Bauer's ship sent them flying into the glass of the cockpit. "Right. Let's just get him." Spike grimaced.  
  
They quickly shattered the glass of the cockpit. Bauer turned in his seat. "No fair! No teaming up!"  
  
"Zip it."  
  
They hauled the Teddy Bomber from his chair and onto the hull. He squirmed, but eventually fainted and lied still.  
  
Spike looked at Andy. "You wanna land this thing?"  
  
"Nah. Go ahead."  
  
"I insist."  
  
Before this argument could get too fierce, the main thruster cut out, and one by one the ship's systems died.  
  
"What the hell?" Andy hissed.  
  
"Just like the Swordfish..." Spike whipped out his phone and frantically dialed Jet. "JET! Jet, come in!"  
  
"Relax, kid." Came the static-filled response. "I'm already on my way."  
  
Andy pointed out a small craft approaching from the west.  
  
(Bauer's ship continued to plummet from the sky)  
  
The Hammerhead swooped down and pulled up right next to the hunters. With Bauer swung over his shoulder, Spike leaped to the other craft. He turned around and saw Andy contemplating whether to try it or not. After much deliberation, Spike decided for him  
  
Later, aboard the Bebop...  
  
"And then the Hammer started losing its systems too, so we crash landed and caught a StarTaxi up here." Jet concluded. "I'm surprised the StarTaxi made it here..."  
  
"What an intense situation," Faye sighed. "I'm so glad you're safely back here..." The others ignored her sarcasm.  
  
"He wasn't talking to you." Spike snapped. "He's telling Ed so she can figure out what's going on."  
  
"Calm down, Spike." Jet interjected. "Ed, any ideas?"  
  
Ed squealed with delight. "Edward knows! Edward Knows!"  
  
Jet and Faye stared at Ed in awe. Spike twiddled his thumbs. Ein complained about not having enough of a part in my story.  
  
"Well, what is it?" Jet encouraged.  
  
"Cold!" she shrieked joyfully. "Cold cold coldy-cold!"  
  
Faye sat down and promptly fell asleep. Jet continued his attempt to attain a straight answer.  
  
"Coldy cold cold coldy col-col-cold-coldy..." Ed sang to herself.  
  
"Ed, what the hell do you mean by cold?"  
  
"Jet-person said word!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"The word! The bad word!"  
  
"Jet-person is sorry. Now what did you mean by 'cold?'"  
  
"Teddy-head have cold."  
  
"What are you talking about? It's not that cold in the holding cell!"  
  
"A virus, Jet." Spike said boredly. "The ships have some sort of computer virus."  
  
Jet stared at Spike, who continued to twiddle his thumbs and look extremely bored.  
  
"But how would three ships have the same thing? Computer viruses are sent. They're not contagious by themselves...are they?"  
  
Andy shut the door to the galley and sank into the couch next to the unconscious Faye. "What'd I miss?"  
  
"The ships have a computer virus. We're trying to figure out how it spread." Jet said, mimicking Spike's boredom.  
  
"Ed told them." Giggled Ed. "Ed didn't get enough credit from friend- peoples." Under the confused stare, Ed returned to her chess game.  
  
"Thank you for informing us, son." Andy said in a politician's baby-kissing voice. "Now then, how-"  
  
"Edward is girl-type! Not son-type!"  
  
"Ah. Forgive uncle Andy, little lady."  
  
"Edward has an uncle?" she awed.  
  
Faye jolted awake. "Ed has an uncle?"  
  
"No," Spike growled. "Andy's just being a moron."  
  
"Oh." Faye returned to dreamland.  
  
"Now then," Jet continued "How would a-"  
  
Suddenly, the ship rocked. The lights dimmed, and Faye involuntarily mumbled something about the microwave not working.  
  
"Ed, what's going on?" Spike sighed.  
  
"Main thruster-device-thing not working. Systems shutting dowwwwnnnnn......" She trailed off, and fell unconscious, pretending to be the ship. 


	3. Bauer 3

Chapter Three. Whee.  
  
Jet ignored the fact that that the door was closed as he entered the Bebop's cockpit. Andy was close behind, bothering Jet about something like him helping and such. Jet ignored him and ran a systems diagnostic.  
  
This was not made any easier by the fact that the diagnostics system had failed, too.  
  
Andy continued to go on and on about the help thing. Jet told him to shut up. Andy glared.  
  
Jet, again ignoring the whole idea of a closed door, burst back into the living area.  
  
Faye was still asleep, Spike was gone, and Edward was running a systems diagnostic on herself.  
  
Jet sighed and risked his life by waking Faye with a 23 foot long pole.  
  
Faye woke up, insulting Ein, who had also disappeared.  
  
"Faye." Jet said softly, "Where did Spike go?"  
  
"Dunno. Is the Bebop catching the virus too?"  
  
"Cold cold coldy cold..." Ed sang, completing the check. "Bebop have cold, Spiky take Swordyfishy..."  
  
"Heh." Faye muttered. "Of course HE abandons ship."  
  
"Wait!" Ed cried. "Spiky not leave! Spiky-person went to brig! Briggy brig brig..." She sang herself into a euphoric unconsciousness.  
  
"The brig?" Jet turned to Andy, who had just dashed off to the brig himself.  
  
Jet sighed.  
  
______________________  
  
Ted Bauer, the Teddy bomber, also happened to be asleep.  
  
While Faye had been awoken by a 23 foot long pole, Bauer was awakened by the sound of a gun's safety switch.  
  
"Hey." Spike grinned.  
  
"Oh, hello." Bauer sighed. "Come to move your ship finally?"  
  
"Very funny. Actually, I've come to talk."  
  
"Really? So you are willing to hear about the root source of all evil which has been plaguing me my whole life?"  
  
"Yep," said Andy, who had appeared in the doorway. "Start talking."  
  
Spike threw him a nasty glance, and turned his attention back to Bauer.  
  
"Well," the bomber began, "The root source of all evil is the name of a computer virus that is transferred automatically. It can send itself to digital watches, calculators, anything with a microchip can serve as a carrier. "  
  
"That explains a lot..." Andy grunted,  
  
"But the real thing I've been trying to tell the world about is a person. The hacker who created the virus. The maniac designed the virus for nothing but their own entertainment, and if the virus is kept uncheck like it has, who knows what danger could result!"  
  
"Edward knows! Edward knows!" shrieked Ed, flying through the door and landing on Spike's head. "Edward knows! Edwar-"  
  
"What?" Spike pried her off his face. "What does Edward know?"  
  
"Like I was saying," Bauer growled. "This virus was responsible for the destruction of the Earth's surface years ago, and-"  
  
"It was Edward! Edward blowed up the Earth! Edward made email, send to Ed's father-person, spell address wrong, Earth go BOOM!" She mimicked exploding and fainted.  
  
Everyone, including Jet and Faye, who had entered the room, stared in shock.  
  
"You designed the virus?" Faye gawked.  
  
Ed woke up. "Not virus! Email! Picture of Ed for father-person so father- person not miss Ed when Ed run away!"  
  
"HA!" Bauer shouted! "All of this conversation was caught on my pocket- voice recorder! Now my forces know where the root source of all evil is hiding!" He laughed manically.  
  
"Uh-oh..." Andy mused.  
  
"ATTACK!" Bauer screamed into his pocket radio.  
  
Suddenly, the ship rocked from a violent explosion. Ed again mimicked the Bebop's condition. 


	4. Chapter 4 The Chapter after 3!

... "I have to what?" Andy stammered.  
  
"You have to help us stay alive, stupid." Faye sighed, seeing as Spike didn't feel like speaking at the moment.  
  
"We're in space, right? I don't have a ship."  
  
"Take the Hammer." Jet called from another corridor. "I'm staying aboard the Bebop."  
  
"Er..." Andy said sheepishly. "Which one?" He glanced at Spike, who gave him a 'You're an idiot' look.  
  
"That one." Spike pointed casually in the general direction of the Hammer's reflection, or would have if there had been a giant mirror on the opposite side of the hangar.  
  
"Oh. Thanks."  
  
[____________]  
  
Spike was almost surprised to find a medium-sized Starfleet heading at him as he departed the Bebop. The Swordfish's systems had been repaired, but it would only be a matter of time before the "cold" struck again.  
  
Meanwhile, as Spike, Faye, and Andy headed out to battle, Jet attempted to ask Ed a question.  
  
"Ed? Is there a...uh...cure...for the...cold?"  
  
"Maybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." She said with a grin.  
  
"Ed."  
  
"Yes? What does Jet Blacky-Black need?"  
  
"A cure for the...cold." He wasn't getting anywhere.  
  
"Plenty of liquids, rest! Always works."  
  
"Ed. We're talking about the cold that affects spaceships."  
  
"Plenty of liquids, rest! Always works."  
  
"Ed! You're not getting it!"  
  
"Getting what?"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
[____________]  
  
Spike veered off course as the missile screamed by. It collided with the fighter behind him. He fired his machine gun at the missile's sender and took it out of the fight. Two more fighters approached him, but a pair of rockets set them flying.  
  
"Saved you again, Spike." Andy sneered.  
  
"Shut up." Spotting a group sneaking up behind his rival, he fired the energy cannon. The shot singed Andy and took out a majority of the group.  
  
Andy voiced his opinions on the subject of irony.  
  
Faye politely told him to shut up.  
  
"That's funny..." murmured Spike.  
  
"What?"  
  
"My digital watch stopped..."  
  
"This isn't really the time, Spike." Andy yelled. "We have more pressing troubles..."  
  
"Andy," Said Spike. "You're an idiot." He slid on his helmet and ejected.  
  
[___________]  
  
"Ed." Jet said calmly. "How does one give 'plenty of fluids and rest' to a ship, if we aren't talking about fuel?"  
  
"With a keyboard!" Shrieked Ed.  
  
Jet, having nothing better to do, immediately entered 'Plenty of fluids and rest' into the Bebop's systems console.  
  
The lights suddenly turned on, the engines revved up, and Ed's freaky smiley face lit up the monitors.  
  
Yay! 


End file.
